don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
