i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
