yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
