I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize