Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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