I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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