So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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