Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
