yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
