My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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