its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
