thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize