Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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