plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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