I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
