My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
