When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
