In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
