You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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