It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
