Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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