just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
