What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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