May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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