My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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