I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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