So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will pee on everything he values.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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