your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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