I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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