I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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