Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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