I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
