I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
