My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize