the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
