My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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