I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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