I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
