Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
