stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
