I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
