A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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