Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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