I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
