shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
