worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
