Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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