Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
whose parrot is this?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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