my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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