I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
