I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
