I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
