he was CRYING into my vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
