you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize