But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
