We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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