Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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