And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
