I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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