woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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