White coat. Heels.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
