I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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