And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
